Something Annoying To Read
by Atlantic Jewel
Summary: It's one of those You Know You Watch Too Much... things, that may not even be legit here! Uh oh...Updates when I can think of them...Rated T for safety...
1. Chapter 1

**YKYWTMNW…**

_**YOU KNOW YOU WATCH TOO MUCH NARUTO WHEN…**_

. You're in the middle of a breakdown, and you suddenly scream: "ITACHI!!! WHY!?!?"

. You consider Garaa one or all of these things: hot, huggable, cute or proper boyfriend material!

. You see sign language and attack the poor deaf person, because you think that they're attacking you with jutsus!

. You yourself practice hand-sign jutsus for half an hour every night!

. You say "Believe It!" after every sentence! Believe It!

. Life is very troublesome…

. Sandcastles are suddenly very interesting…

. You named your dog Akamaru…actually, I have a dog named Josie but, thanks to my insistent training, she now answers to both names! I'm trying to teach her how to act like Akamaru. Already, I can tell her to 'Get Em' and she growls and barks savagely! Well, it's a start!

. You get upset when somebody kills an insect…

. You get a tattoo of a hidden village symbol (or all of them)…

. You get a tattoo of a bird on your forehead…

. You got a blue headband and died it with food colouring/nail polish/real blood to make it look authentic, because your parents won't let you buy a Naruto headband!

. You jump off a cliff to try to summon that turtle thingie!

. You try to walk up trees and on water!

. Your parents know what Naruto is, and ask you about the show, and you can answer all of their answers correctly!

. You want to cosplay so badly as a Naruto character, but you can't decide which!

. You bought a giant fan, a giant gourd, a life-sized puppet and various other "Naruto Gear" to help you to decide.

. You tell your career ed. Teachers: I'm gonna be the next Hokage!

. You bought a kunai.

. You got it confiscated.

. Knives/forks/pencils etc. have become your kunai.

. You've memorized all of those Shinobi Rules!

. You gave yourself a Shinobi ID!

. You're favourite number corresponds with the number your favourite ninja got for round three of the Chuunin exams (Naruto number one, Kankuro number five etc….)!

. You dyed your hair pink and started to call yourself Sakura!

. You look in every single adult bookshop for Itcha Itcha Paradise!

. You got the Kanji symbol for Love tattooed in red onto the left side of your forehead!

. You shaved off your eyebrows…

OR…

. You grew your eyebrows and styled your hair into a mushroom shape!

. You have a Garaa plushie, and you hug it every single day!

. There are one or more orange jumpsuits hanging up in your wardrobe…

. You went to your principle and demanded that there be Naruto classes, or at least classes on Ninjutsu etc. taught at your school!

. You bought some life-sized puppets, and installed various weapons in them!

. Whenever somebody insults your puppets, you leap at them and break every single bone in their body, as a punishment!

. Whenever anybody insults Naruto, you break down and cry.

. Whenever anybody insults Garaa, you narrow your eyes and throw sand at them…

. You feel sorry for Garaa…

. You are seriously considering a job as a puppeteer…

. You find that Rock Lee's methods of training actually work!

. You sing the Naruto songs in the shower…

. You brought figurines of Sakura and Sasuke, and they got married/divorced…

. You can't open a scroll or a piece of paper without flinging it out with flair!

. You own 2 VCR's. Just in case one fails during taping of the show, the next one can take its place.

. You bought the book Dead Puppets Dance, because Kankuro would have too! It has nothing to do with puppets (trust me, I brought it along these guidelines, but it's a good book…)


	2. Chapter 2

. You are actually taking notes on this!

. You, like me, are having withdrawal symptoms because they've taken Naruto off of the television…

. ITACHI!!! WHY!?!?

. You want to take martial arts lessons!

. You look and act _exactly_ like your favourite character – even if they're the opposite sex/gender, whichever word you use…

. You put some sort of strange alcoholic beverage in your mouth and light a match in it – my sister's friend did this one once! You can be just as cool as Sasuke is!

. You know all of the characters names off by heart, and can recite their biographies on demand.

. You are thinking hard about creating your own hidden village and training young kids as ninjas. You, of course, will be the Hokage.

. When you go fox-hunting with your friends, you spend most of your time galloping at the head of the pack, yelling to the fox: "I CAN SAVE YOU! JUST SEAL YOUR SPIRIT WITHIN MY BODY!"

. You got white contacts that cost all of your life-savings, just so that you could look like Hinata/Neji!

. You try to cheat on exams just like in the Chunnin Exams.

. Your mid-term/final exams, thanks to you, have been renamed the Chunnin Exams!

. If you aren't Japanese, you call all of your teachers Sensei. You also call your friends/acquaintances San/Chan/Kun.

. You find a way to slip Japanese words and Naruto words into everyday speech!

. You practise stretching your tongue, so that it can be as long as Lord Orochimaru's!

. You try to convert your friends into Naruto-ians!

. You actually succeeded!

. You are a shameless Naruto-ian, and you are proud of this fact!

. You paint frogs red…

. You try to sneak out of class without getting caught…

. Whenever somebody says: Why are you the way that you are? You proudly reply: It's my Nin-Do – my Ninja Way!

. Your family starts to act _exactly_ like Naruto characters: Your little sister becomes Sakura etc. But you know that you're in trouble when your Dad starts acting like Emiyo (and not Kakashi) and your older brother starts thinking like Itachi…

. Whenever you see a crow, you yell out: "KARASU!"

. And whenever you see a scarecrow, you yell out: "KAKASHI!"

. Your Hard Drive at school is dangerously full of Naruto things!

. You are dangerously close to being suspended for looking up Naruto websites, and wasting all of your internet credit!

. And now, like me, you are at your wit's end, because you can't use the internet anymore, AND you can't watch new Naruto episodes!

. For Halloween, you dress up as a Kabuki actor, purple/pink/red facepaint and all…

. You often get into fights at school, showing everybody just how good a ninja you are; even without Ninjutsu and Genjutsu (you only have Taijutsu!)

. You (female) have convinced everybody at school that you are going out with a hot guy called Sasuke/Neji/Garaa/Kankuro/Itachi…etc….

. You (male) have convinced everybody at school that you are going out with a gorgeous chick called Sakura/Hinata/Temari/Ino/TenTen…etc….

. Whenever you watch Naruto, you subconsciously manage to slot yourself into every scenario, and get together with your favourite character/kick the ass of your least favourite character etc.!

. You then go and write a fanfic about it!

. Your graffiti tag is something to do with Naruto (a name, a jutsu, a saying etc.)!

. You're local bookshop which sells comic books know you by name!

. And whenever they get robbed of all of their manga, they immediately hunt you down, to which you hang your head in shame and hand back the stolen goods!

. You know what every single character's names mean/origin!

. You took up Japanese at as a second language, just so that you could be exactly like Naruto!

. You know every single episode off by heart!

. You don't look at Racoon-Dogs the same way anymore…

. You become fearlessly bold in all that you do, because that's how Naruto is!


	3. Chapter 3

. When somebody got eaten by a giant anaconda, you screamed: "WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST USE YOUR SHADOW CLONE JUTSU TO ESCAPE!?!? WHY!?!?"

. You created your very own Naruto manga, with you included!

. Your friends are dangerously close to binding you, putting duct tape on your mouth, and putting you on a "Naruto-Ban" for twenty-four hours, hoping to break your spirit!

. When they actually _do_ this, you go straight back to watching Naruto etc.!

. And _then_, you force _them_ to watch a twenty-four hour Naruto marathon, therefore converting them into Naruto-ians!

. You act just like Rock Lee, and have adopted the "nice guy pose"!

. You attached leg weights to your legs to increase your speed…

. And, it actually worked!

. You have one set of Naruto key rings for your keys/pencil case/book bag and another set to just look at!

. On those same guidelines, you have one set of Naruto manga for reading, and the other set is to stare at and hope won't fall apart!

. You freak out if anything happens to your precious Naruto things: such as one of the manga covers being creased/a stitch breaks on one of your plushies etc.!

. You call your life force Chakra, and realise that it's a real thing!

. Earwigs aren't so icky anymore…

. And neither are spiders, centipedes and scorpions…

. You have Naruto _everything_…

. Your Naruto towel with Naruto and Sasuke on it, sleeps on your bed every night, just so that you can say: I have slept with Naruto and Sasuke! Heh heh…guilty as charged!

. You, like me, wonder if having a Mum called Lee is a good thing or a bad thing…

. You celebrate all of the Naruto cast's birthdays, and are ecstatic when you discover that your birthday is on the same day as somebodies!

. You created kids for your favourite characters: Naruto/Hinata, Sasuke/Sakura, Shikamaru/Ino etc.!

. You want to call your cat Neji!

. You spend all day and night trying to think of things to add to this list!

. Your heroes are Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee, but you know that Naruto and the others are _way_ stronger then they'll ever be! (Or ever _have_ been, in Bruce Lee's case…)

. You are suddenly kinder to orphans/rebels/people-with-big-foreheads/hyperactive-kids etc….

. But at the same time, you hate little brats…

. Naruto Hentai: You either hate it because you say that it downgrades Naruto – Or you love it, because it's just more Naruto!

. You train your dog to act just like Akamaru!

. You suddenly become very attached to your old face painting set…

. When asked to write an essay for school, it's always about Naruto!

. When colouring in your word-art, you use a Naruto picture!

. When drawing something for art class, your person looks suspiciously like somebody from Naruto!

. You sewed your own Naruto clothes in Home Economics!

. You go out and get bitten by a Dugite (or some other deadly snake) just in the hopes of getting the cursed mark!

. You try to convince your Food Production teacher to let you cook ramen one day!

. You don't know where half of our continents are, but you know where everything is on the Naruto World Map!

. When asked to make number stories in Maths, you made it: So, if Naruto had six kunais, and he shared them equally amongst himself, Sasuke and Sakura… (The answer is two each…)

. Your teacher says that you have to write about something non-fictional and so, after losing the fight that Naruto _is_ real, you decide to compose a report about ninjas, with references to Naruto in the bibliography!

. You use your own rendition of Naruto's "Sexy Jutsu" to get what you want (including your driver's license/good grades/a warning and not a fine etc. among other things…)!

You used to watch Madeline, and so want to write something (a fan-fic?) that starts off with: In an old house in Konoha, all covered with man-eating vines, lived twelve little ninjas in a few scraggly lines…

. You copied Tenten's hairstyle!

. You drew Naruto pictures on scrap paper when you finished your exam early (_by two whole hours_!)

. You cried when Dosu got killed.


	4. Chapter 4

. You cried when Hayate died.

. You cried when Zaku was sacrificed.

. You cried when Kin was sacrificed.

. ITACHI!!! WHY!?!?

. You dedicated a lot of songs to Naruto characters, and always say something along the lines of 'this is Kanky's song' or 'poor Garaa'…when you hear them!

. You recorded Naruto stuff from the television onto your phone!

. When walking the dogs, you choose the biggest dog…

. You performed an exorcism on some poor red-headed kid, just for the Hell of it…

. You hope you'll see Zaku, Hayate and Dosu in Heaven…

. You wonder if the songs 'Burn', 'Papercut', 'Hell', 'The Killer In Me' & 'Enter Sandman' were written just for Garaa…

. And if the song 'What I've Done' was written just for the older Garaa…

. You just KNOW that the song 'Easier To Run' was written for Sasuke and Itachi!

. Enter Sandman is Garaa's song and Master Of Puppets is Kankurou's song.

. You cough all the time like Hayate, even if you don't need to.

. You put a bandage on your nose and call yourself Kotetsu.

. Or, you get a cat and call it Kotetsu!

. Centipedes always look bigger then they really are to you, and you're in the habit of throwing stuff at its head to try and kill it! You then get bitten when you don't succeed…

. You want to name one of your kids after a Naruto character…

. But hope your eldest son won't do what Itachi did…

. Or, you want to name your son Tanuki Vedero (Racoon-Dog 'a type of alcohol'), and your daughter Kohitsuji Evon (Small-Sheep/Lamb 'a nice name')! (Wonder what my other half will think of _that_…)

. Your wedding vows included something about Naruto.

. Your eulogy will come complete with Naruto music.

. You are insanely jealous of anybody named Sakura/Sasuke/Neji etc.!

. You ditched your best friend for a guy (so NOT cool!)

. You accidentally/on purpose went out and injured both of your arms just so that you could be exactly like Zaku (don't get one of them cut off, however). The scraped hand and bloody knee were just an added (and might I add VERY PAINFUL) bonus!

. Your new saying is 'Sharpen your Kama at sunset'!

. You, like me, know Garaa's Sand Coffin and Sand Burial hand-seal Jutsus by heart, and practised them to perfect them!

. Now…if only they would _actually_ work…hmm…

. When you discover/ed a comet/dieses/new species of dinosaur, you named it Hinata's Comet/Garaa-Itis/Sakurasaurus!

. One powerball, and I'll be on the island nation of Naruto…

AllyCatXandi Suggested These Next Two…

. You suddenly begin to place your head to one side expecting a large sweatdrop or vein-pulsing-signal to appear magically!

. You try to twitch one eyebrow up and down when you're angry (and fail-it's just impossible-I tried!)

. You wonder if maybe Naruto is actually a real person…

. And so the hunt begins!


	5. Chapter 5

. You sing Harmonia at a church, and wonder why people stare at you so.

. You look for Naruto's sandals at the shoe shop.

. A relative gives you an old necklace, but you won't wear it because it might kill you. Poor Dan!

. You name your racehorse: Naruto From The Village Hidden In The Leaves!

. You (boy) are not a boy, you are an onmitsu!

. You (girl) are not a girl, you are a kunoichi!

. You start seeing Naruto characters in your dreams...

. You have a meaner, leaner, inner-you!

. It's 'catra'!

. You draw ANBU and hidden village symbols on your body for no good reason.

. You have a fox keyring called Kyubii.

. You're about to sneak out of class but your teacher catches you, and wonder why when you say you need to use the bathroom he says 'liar'!

. Instead of having a picture of your g/f/b/f in your wallet, you have a picture of your favorite Naruto character...

. Your computer plays Rocks every time it boots up...

. You wish people could be like Naruto characters (I know I do!)

. The highlight of your day is fan girl squealing over certain Naruto characters...

. Your email address is: thenexthokage!

. You watch Naruto over and over and over and over and over and over and over...

. You don't want to dissect frogs in biology.

. When your teacher insists, you start yelling and go all psycho-Garaa on them. :)

. You pretend that you're sick just so you can stay home from school and watch Naruto.

. With practice you too will be able to jump 18 feet into the air. And fall...

. You get caught in K-Mart buying Naruto stuff, and make up some lame excuse like: "It's for my little brother..."

. You take each test calmly. Look each question straight in the eye. Find the weakest link - the easy one. Separate it from the rest of the herd - and take it down!

. Then cheat.

. If you can't watch Naruto, you watch a Jackie Chan movie.

. If there isn't a Jackie Chan movie on TV, you play Street Fighters.

. If you haven't got Street Fighters, you sing Kung Fu Fighting.

. If you don't know the words to Kung Fu Fighting, you jump off a cliff. :) Have a nice day!


	6. Chapter 6

IF ANY OF THESE ARE REPEATS FROM PREVIOUS PAGES, GOMEN NASAI!!!! T_T

oOo

. You can get up at 4:30 am to watch Naruto at 5:30, but can't get to a 1:00pm class on time.

. Incidentally, you can stay up until two AM just to see a Naruto rerun, but you can't stay up until midnight to ring in the new year...

. You start associating every little thing with Naruto - you see a snake and think of Lord Orochimaru, you see a guy with glasses and think of Ebisu...

. Everyone around you is careful of saying anything even slightly related to ninjas, because they know that the slightest thing sets you off...

. You put orange covering on a random book and write Icha Icha Paradise on it...

. You hang your Garaa plushie from your car's rear-view mirror.

. You don't mind drinking off milk for breakfast (eew!).

. In crowded places you shamelessly sing Naruto song, in hopes of finding a fellow Narutoian in the crowd.

. You actually found one or two that way.

. You collect all of the Naruto trading cards.

. You talk and the words don't synchronize with your lips. (Damn dubs...)

. You wanna work in a flower shop. :)

. You suggest 'Naruto' to be the theme for your next dance.

. Study - schmudy. Let's just cheat!

. You see a mummy at the museum and think it's Dosu! :)

.You have bruises when your friends warned you not to say anything about Naruto, but you didn't listen or else you just didn't care.

. When you see twins, you're sure one of them's just used a Shadow Clone Jutsu, and you try to find the 'clone'.

.You got arrested for doing this...

. You know all the names of the Kazekages and Hokages, but President who?

. You push your glasses up the way Ebisu does in the manga, and wonder why people yell at you for it! (One Piece/Captain Kuro fans digress...)

. When your neighbour had a baby girl and she was blonde, and then a boy who looks like he's going to have red hair, you think: "Hang on, there's something missing in the middle here..."

. Moving out of your comfort zone means drawing Naruto yaoi (I'm doing so right now, as a request for someone...)

. Your best friends are NOT Krystal and Mayling, they are now Sakura and Tenten! You, yourself, are proud to be Hinata, Hyuga heiress!

. Your parents tell you that you can't watch anymore Naruto!

. ITACHI!! WHY!!??


	7. Chapter 7

You Know You're Obsessed With Naruto Himself When

. You can't stand the very sight of Sasuke Uchiha.

. You think Lisa Simpson copies Naruto's hairstyle, and not the other way 'round.

oOo

You Know You're Obsessed With Sakura When:

. You become obsessed with Ssauke Uchiha!

. You think Chibi-Usa from Sailor Moon copied Sakura!

. You call your ex-best friend 'pig'.

. She calls you 'billboard brow'.

oOo

You Know You're Obsessed With Garaa When

. You kill anyone who calls red-heads 'rangas'...

. Because, you have become homicidal...

You write Garaa's name in the sand at the beach, in hopes that he will appear before you...  
oOo  
You Know You're Obsessed With Temari When

. You go around waving fans at people, hoping that your fan will be as strong as Temari's...

oOo

You Know You're Obsessed with Naruto The show When

. You forget what your wall's are coloyred, since your Naruto posters now cover every square inch of said walls...

. You believe you are a ninja.

. You KNOW there's such thing as tailed-demons.

. You have proof!

. If you can't get a Nrauto headband, then you take a permanent marker and put your village's symbol symbol on your forehead.

. You can carry out a small conversation in Japanese from watching subtitled episodes.

. Your little sibling's first words were: "I'm gonna be the next Hokage!"

. Your Mother is constantly threatening to break your Naruto DVD's because you play them too much.

. You threaten to go all Garaa on her.

. She threatens to go all Tsunade on you!

. THEN you get scared...

. Your teacher confiscated all of the Naruto stuff you brought to school.

. You ask him: "Why can't you be more like Iruka-Sensei?"

. He says: "Why can't you be more like Haruno Sakura?"


	8. Chapter 8

. Your TV activates a Naruto episode automatically whenever you enter the room. I'm still trying to figure out how to get it to do this!

. You are kinder to your most hated enemy, JUST because his name is Toby (Tobi).

. You cried yourself to sleep when your mom told you that Naruto was just a cartoon, but you didn't care that the Easter Bunny wasn't real...

. You call anyone who looks like Ebisu a 'closet pervert'.

. You always use the ninja in Kung Fu Chaos.  
. Your New Year's resolution was to play a new Naruto game.

. You did, because the house you were at just HAPPENED to have a PS2!

. You made a Sakura and Garaa bookmark, but it's hanging on the fridge...

. You call any trauma in your young life 'when the Ninetailed Fox attacked our village'.

. You want to kill your older brother...

. You buy a ring that looks just like the Akatsuki's ring...

. You cross out your name on your birth certificate and write your favourite character's name and color over your hair in all of your photos...don't try it...

. You are going to become a Jashinist, just like Hidan!

. You have Naruto playing cards (like with the Ace and hearts and clubs and stuff - I do! :) )  
. When you went on Australian Idol, you sung Far-Off Distance.

. When the judges kicked you off, you went all evil inner-Sakura on them, and it took seven security guards to stop you!

. And, you called the security guards ANBU's, and yelled that they should be on your side!

. You get into a drunken rage whenever you have just a tiny amount of alcohol!  
. Your ringtone is The Story About You...

. Your answering machine says: "You've reached the office of Tsunade, I'm out at the moment, but leave a message and I'll have Shizune get back to you..."

. You saw Elvis talking to Hayate in Coles the other day... *sweatdrop*


	9. Chapter 9

. You hate your cousin.

. You drew the symbol on Neji's forehead onto your own.

. When your Mum asks you why your drew Hitler's symbol on your forehead, you just glare at her.

. You dump a bunch of kids in a big scary forest, and tell them to fend for themselves.

. You also make them sign consent forms, so that if they die, you won't get sued.

. You got sued anyway. :(

. You cut your hair with a kunai before it (the kunai) got confiscated!

. You then let your best friend fix it (your hair).

. You're so far out of the loop, you don't even know there _is_ a loop. Your not gonna be the hero of _this_ little story...

. Your license plate is now in kanji.  
. 72 hours isn't such a long time...  
. If you're still reading this, THEN YOU GET A COOKIE!!

. You had your family name legally changed to Uzumaki...

. You're in the military, and you suggest changing everyone's ranks to Genin, Chunnin, Jounin, etc.

. They actually did!  
. You're running late, but rather then miss even a minute of Naruto, you drive 80 through a school zone.

. When you got arrested, you try out your Sexy No Jutsu.

. It worked...  
. Then, when you saw someone else who looked like he/she was running late for Naruto, you let them get in your car on the fly, so neither of you would miss it.

. You go gothic and call yourself Sai.

. You draw pictures on paper and hope that they'll be real.  
. You held funerals for Hayate, Zaku, Dosu, Kin and the Hokage.  
OoO  
**OLYMPIC FUN**  
. You're sure that the Naruto and co. could shatter any world record in high jump. And some!  
. The judo part is your favourite part...  
. At the Olympics, your team is Team Baki/Team Gai/Team Asuma/Team Kakashi/Team Kurenai, whatever...

. Kisame will wipe the floor with his opponents in swimming...

. There should be a 'race to get to class first to sit next to Sasuke' event!

. Your method of cheering is singing the Australian Naruto theme: "If you believe it, you can be somebody! You can be somebody, if you believe it!"

. You can't decide whether to cheer for Japan or Australia.  
. Japan.


	10. Chapter 10

. You wake up at 3AM and wonder why Baki killed Hayate.

. You decide that they were both loyal to their separate village.

. But it still hurts.

. So, you feel sorry for poor Yuugao... :( I do!

. You try to act just like your favourite character, because after all, who handles a crisis better then them?

. You have one key on your key chain, but about a zillion Naruto-related stuff...

. You know about the war between Suna/Sound and Konoha, but nothing about WWII...you must learn...

. You can recognise each character just by their eyes.

. Somebody says "Naruto!" And you look around wildly. "Where!? Where!?"

. You rented out the DVD's whilst on holiday, and switched all of the covers around to their reverse sides! :)

. Whenever there's a fire, you go looking for Sasuke.

. You role-play when you're alone, and practice your kung fu moves!

OoO  
. When eating M&M Minis, you assosiate each colour with a ninja:

Orange - Naruto

Red - Garaa

Blue - Sasuke

Green - Lee

Pink - Sakura

Yellow - Ino

Brown - Kiba

OoO

. You see any orange car and say to your Dad: "Look! It's Naruto's car!"

. When asked to write your biography, you write about how the Kyubii killed your parents and is now inside of you, and you are a prankster to get attention, you are a ninja and will be the greatest Hokage!

. You take up music, so that when writing it on manuscript, you can write the Sound Village symbol.

. You buy a white rabbit, and do experiments on it so that it will be white all year 'round. Don't do it...

. People can actually bribe you with Naruto stuff.

. You and your friends have a formation called: "Ino-Shika-Cho!"

. You can name any episode title from the number or vice-versa instantly.  
. You have every episode on tape. And DVD. And every manga volume.

. With duplicates.

. You were the 1st Hokage in another life. You just know it.

. You enjoy taking life at your own pace and watching the clouds go by.

. You make up your own Naruto Emoticons.

. Your DA page has lots of Naruto stuff in your Gallery and Favs Page!

. You belong to a Naruto Club.

. When singing Everywhere I Go, by Janet Jackson, you start thinking of Hayate and begin to cry.

. You sign your yearbook and other people's shirts/bears with a Naruto-styled signature, and don't forget to add the village symbol of your choice!

. Are you still reading this?


End file.
